What I Learned in the Last Week

So even though I was only on the Whole30 for four days, I do think I learned a lot about myself from it. First let me tell you why I didn't like it.

1. I felt obsessed with food. So much of my time was consumed with what I could have and what I couldn't have. Whether I was at home or at work, all I thought of was food. It really felt unhealthy to me to be so focused on food. I mean, the whole reason I started this blog was so I could STOP obsessing over my food, right?
2. I had to eat meat. As I mentioned in a previous post, the amount of meat really bothered me. I'm fine with eating meat when I go out to eat somewhere or on special occasions, but every day and sometimes twice a day was just too much for me.
3. I didn't want to exercise. Besides the fact that I was too busy thinking about food to think about exercise, the Whole30 requires special pre- and post-workout food. My life was already complicated enough.

 Clearly, this was never going to become a lifestyle change. But even with all that, I did learn some important things from it.

 First, I learned that I need to eat breakfast. Duh, right? I knew I was supposed to. I know it's the first thing every weight loss experts says to do. But I always resisted it. I've always said I don't have time. I'm too rushed in the morning. I don't like eating early because the food feels heavy in my stomach (yeah, if you're having donuts or pancakes or biscuits). But I found on the Whole30 that I did have time to make breakfast (with a little planning), and when I ate breakfast I had a clearer head and was more focused at work. My job is one that depends entirely on reading and listening. Without breakfast (I skipped it yesterday), I can see a definite difference in my work.

Second, I consume too much sugar. A lot of you probably think this is another "duh," but it was never obvious to me. I didn't think I had that much sugar, really. I don't eat sweets. I don't ever crave candy, cookies, cake (I actually don't like cake), donuts, or the like. I did drink Coke, but that was only one a day and was something I was already trying to decrease. But I hadn't noticed how my once-in-a-while gas station cappuccino had become a daily habit or how my new-found love of apples had led to caramel dipping sauce. I don't think sugar is a trigger food for me or that I need to avoid it in things like ketchup or mayo at all costs. I don't even think I need to give up my Christmas baklava or birthday lemon icebox pie. But I do need to be more aware of what I'm eating and especially what I'm drinking.

Third, I eat too much white rice. I eat a lot of foods with rice, and I don't think rice is bad. But even though we buy a lot of brown and wild rice, I turn to white rice the most. It's my comfort food. When I'm sick, all I want to eat is white rice with butter and salt. When I make a stir fry, I'll have twice as much white rice as veggies, and I'll have a bowl of just rice for seconds. I've made stir fry with wild rice, and it's delicious. My family loves it. I love it, too, and I eat a normal amount of rice then. I need to stay away from white rice.

Fourth, my family doesn't miss meat. My vegetarian daughter and meat-allergic son are both away at college. Michael and Tori have no issues with eating meat. Tori eats it as school, and Michael ate it anytime he was away from the house. They never exactly complained about being vegetarian at home, but I could tell they missed it. Turns out, not so much. They both liked all the meals I prepared on Whole30, but they also complained about all the meat. Turns out, meat for dinner once a week or so is more than enough for them. That made me happy.

Fifth, 90 percent of my aches, pains, and morning headaches have nothing to do with my diet and everything to do with Sebastian. Bash is my husband's supposed-to-be-a-Jack-Russell-but-SURPRISE!-is-actually-more-of-a-pitbull.

Sebastian is very sweet, but only a year old and much larger than we expected.

Bash sleeps in our bed, as does my Valentine. Both dogs usually sleep at the foot of the bed, but as it's gotten colder, Bash has taken to crawling under the covers in the middle of the night. He slides in between me and Michael. This starts out fine, but at some point he turns sideways. I spend the second half of the night somehow pinned between the two dogs and with my husbands arm slung over me trying to pull my upper body closer (Sorry hon, I can't snuggle. There's 30 pounds of dog in the way). I think once we figure that situation out, my life will greatly improve.

Sixth, I already know what my body needs. I really do. I know what makes me feel good (healthy good, not spoiled brat I want my Cheetos good). I know what makes me lose weight. I know what a long term healthy lifestyle looks like for me. I just don't do it.

So the obvious conclusion to this: Do it. Do what I know is right for me. Stop being a pansy-ass.

So I will.

1307.51 / 0 / 1284.17

Headaches, Darkness, and Whole30

This is exactly how I felt this morning (except without the run-on sentence). I'm really looking forward to the time change. No more leaving the house when it's dark. No more walking the dogs when it's dark (and scary). I like a little daylight in the morning to remind me I'm not a ghost.

I went home early yesterday with a headache. It wasn't a migraine, just a really bad tension headache. So no gym, and now I'm behind at work. Blech.

This Whole30 thing is coming together. I have my lunches planned out (now that I've found some tuna without soy in it). I'm making some homemade mayo tonight. I've made some chicken stock. I have about 10 dinners planned, but I would like to up that to at least 15. So far breakfast has been my challenge.

I've just been alerted to the existence of a chicken apple sausage. I looked up the ingredients, and it looks like it would be compliant. Now I just have to check if our Wal-mart has it. Also, I have no idea if I'll like it. The only sausage I've had in the last two years has been MorningStar's vegetarian sausage. But if I can find this chicken apple thing, I'll give it a try.

I've already stated that I don't like eggs, but there are two exceptions: deviled eggs and dill pickled eggs. I can eat dill pickled eggs by the dozen, but the pickling mix I use has sugar and chemical stuff in it. So that's out. Deviled eggs I like, but I'm never tempted to eat a ton of them. If I make them with homemade mayo, they might be a breakfast options. Maybe a couple of deviled eggs with some sauteed kale and onion?

If things go according to plan (like they ever do), I should be able to start the Whole30 this weekend.

No gym until I catch up on my work.

1307.51 / 0 / 1284.17

Practice Food

So this morning, I thought I'd do a trial run of a Whole30 breakfast. This was mostly to make sure I was waking up early enough to prepare it. I don't have a ton of time in the mornings, so I need something that can be prepared quickly.

This morning I went with scrambled eggs and spinach. I love spinach; I hate eggs. But I thought the combination would kill some of the egg taste, so I gave it a try. It did kill some of the egg taste, but there was still the texture of the eggs. I really hate how eggs feel in my mouth. I was able to eat maybe one eggs worth, but I fed the rest to the dogs. I'm going to have to look for something else that I can have in the mornings. 

I had thought I wouldn't be able to go to the gym yesterday, but I was able to wrap up work in time to go. I tried to get up to 3.4 mph, but I couldn't get higher than 3.2 without my shins really hurting. Then I'd back up to 2.8 until the pain went away. The good news is that I spent most of the time at 3.0 without it killing me, so my regular walking pace may have increased from 2.8 to 3.0. The bad news is that I barely finished one mile.

I don't know what was going on with my shins. Maybe I need to stretch more before I walk? I don't know.

Today is Tuesday, so I weighed myself this morning as part of the Holiday Scale Accountability Club. I'm not going to post my twice weekly weights (I will still post it on the 1st of the month), but I will say if it's good news (289.2 or below) or bad news (above 289.2). Today was good news.

Those of you who do Whole30/paleo type stuff, what do you eat in the morning? I'd love some recommendations. I don't have to have something "breakfasty," but I do need something fast and easy.


1307.51 / 1.06 / 1284.17

My First Challenge!!

 I'm doing my first blog challenge! Gwen at The Sunny Coconut has started the Holiday Scale Accountability Club. The goal is to not gain any weight over the holiday season. It starts today and ends on January 9, 2015.

I know I usually only weigh on the first of the month, but the challenge requires weigh ins twice a week. So I'm going to try not to get too obsessed and weigh on Tuesdays and Fridays.

So my first weigh in this morning showed me at 289.2. That's up a pound from October 1. I was actually expecting it to be higher. I can't say I've made great choices this month with food or exercise.

Speaking of exercise, I didn't go to the gym last night. I had to work late, so I went straight home after. My clothes are still here in the office though, so I will make it in today.

I've been looking at the pretty pictures of fall leaves on other blogs and on my picture of Walden Pond above. I love fall leaves. I love the colors and the way they drift down in a breeze. It's not something I see much of in real life.

I live in northwest Tennessee. We don't usually get much of a fall season here. We get a late summer, then maybe two days of fall, and then...rain. Rain, rain, and rain. Rain that beats the leaves off of trees. Rain that pounds the pretty fall colors right into the mud. By the time the rain stops, the cold has set in, everything is gray and washed out, and there is mud everywhere. It stays that way until it freezes. Then when it's supposed to be spring we get more rain, more mud, and maybe even some snow flurries (not actual snow. Oh no, that would be too pretty.). Then the sun comes out, dries everything up, and we get a week of green leaves, budding trees, and flowers. Then it's summer, hot, humid, and icky. So out of the entire year, there are really only about 10 days I want to be outside. Oh, well.

Tomorrow I'm traveling to the nearest "big town" (I live in a small town. Then you have big town, small city, good-sized city, and big city). It's a 45 minute drive, but I'm hoping it's worth it. That town has a YMCA with one of those machines that measure your body composition and stuff. They let you have two free readings a year even if you aren't a member. So I'm heading there tomorrow to see what I can learn about myself. Yes, I do have a Village People CD in my car. Why do you ask?

IF (and that's a big if. See the capital letters?) it isn't raining, I'm also going to try to do something outside. This summer I tried to relearn how to ride a bike. It's not as easy as people say. I was moderately successful. Maybe I'll go for a ride or at least take my little dog to the park. I just want to do something before I start my 6 month seclusion from the elements.

My Valentine. He's the bestest best thing ever!

I'd like to do more than just maintain my weight during the holiday season, but I'm hesitant to put forth a weight loss goal. I'm thinking instead of having some fitness goals. Of course, getting closer to Walden will be one, but there are other things I'd like to do. I'll have to think about that this weekend.

I don't usually blog on the weekends, so I'll see you all on Monday. Have a great weekend, and if you are somewhere with beautifully changing leaves on the trees, take some time to enjoy them!


1307.51 / 0 / 1286.44

Too Busy for My Own Good

I woke up early this morning feeling fully rested. I decided to make the most of the extra time I had. So I started a load of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, woke up my daughter, vacuumed our living room, walked the dogs, and switched the clothes over to the dryer. I was so proud of myself. That is until I was almost to work and realized that I had forgotten to eat breakfast or grab the lunch I had planned to take.

This is the day before payday, so I have exactly $2.00 to my name. We have no vending machines near where I work. Luckily, I keep a cappuccino mix and a Rice-A-Roni meal in my desk most of the time for emergencies. They don't actually taste all that great, but they work in a pinch.

Since I didn't have much to eat during the day, I'm allowing myself a higher calorie dinner tonight: pancakes! Pancakes is our usual "nothing to eat in the house" meal. The pancakes themselves are not too high in calories (just 265 calories for three large pancakes). My problem is the butter or margarine. I like my pancakes almost soaked in the stuff. I usually use more calories on the butter than I do on the pancakes. I'm working on that, but for tonight, I should have enough calories to spare.

Here is my food from yesterday.

Breakfast: One mini bagel with fat free cream cheese. 135 calories
Lunch: Boxed mac and cheese with cheese slices and crackers. 830 calories
Dinner: Golden mushroom beef over rice and a Coke Zero. 795 calories

Total: 1760 calories

According to MyFitnessPal, I didn't actually go over because of the calories awarded to me for exercising. I've been trying to decide how to handle this. My armband syncs with MFP to log exercise, and MFP adjusts my calories to account for it. I'm not sure if I should count it or not. I'm leaning towards trying to stay under the 1570 baseline, but not feel too badly if I use up exercise calories--kind of a like a savings account. I don't want to dip into savings, but if I do, I'm not going to stress unless it becomes a regular thing. Does that make sense?

Just two more days until weigh day! I'm very curious to see what the scale says.

1307.51 / 0 / 1289.68

Fast Food Failure? Maybe not...

So yesterday was a frustrating day. Yeah, second one in a row. Sucks. My husband found out that the part he needs for his car isn't one he can install himself. That means the car will definitely be at the shop for a while. The good news is that the patch he did seems to be holding, so we have a little time to prepare for the inevitable. Still aggravating, though.

I was really looking forward to letting off some steam at the gym, not to mention getting some miles in for the blog. After work I walked across the parking lot to the gym. I decided to take a couple of photos since I had told you how dark and creepy my gym was. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but my gym is in a historical building that used to be a movie theater in the 1950s. This is a picture of the ticket booth outside. It's okay during the day, but it's creepy once it gets dark.

Here is inside, from the balcony. You can see where the stage and movie screen used to be. All the weightlifting stuff is down there.

I'm usually in the balcony because that's where all the treadmills and ellipticals are. I didn't take a picture of that because it was full of people. I didn't want to add to the general creepiness of the place by being all stalkery. So what do you think? Creepy?

After I got my pics, I went to the dressing room to change. When I came back out, all the treadmills and ellipticals were empty. What luck, right? Nope. Turns out the circuit that powered that area of the gym blew or something. They were working on it.

Well, I was already there, so while they worked on it I went down to the strength machines and worked my shoulders a little bit. I have horribly weak shoulders. Seriously, it's hard for my to raise my hands above my head. So I did that. Then I went back upstairs to check the treadmills; they still weren't working yet. It's like the universe doesn't want me to get to Walden! I waited some more and tried out a few more machines, but eventually I had to go home. So I did go to the gym as promised, but I didn't get any miles in.

When I got home, everyone was in a bad mood: Michael about the car, my daughter because she had lost her mp3 player, and me because of the gym, the car, and one of our dogs had torn up the living room. Everyone wanted to eat out. We don't eat out too much. They wanted to go Long John Silvers for fish.

Now, I fully intended to get the healthy baked whatever with rice. But the thing is, I hate fish. I hate seafood in general. I always order chicken at seafood restaurants. The one exception is LJS's fish. I actually like it. So I caved. Now usually I would have 3 or 4 pieces of fish (drowned in lemon juice) and about 6 hush-puppies (also drowned in lemon juice). I knew I would be pushing it with my calories, so I only had two pieces of fish and three hush-puppies (and the lemon juice). I thought that if I skipped my fudge pops that evening, I would be under calories. I was wrong. When I got home and logged it, it put me 49 calories over.

Now, the old me would have quit the diet at this point. "Only four days in, and I've already messed up! This is impossible to do!" But last night I was able to look at the positives.

1. I ate much less at LJS than I normally would.
2. My calorie estimate was actually pretty accurate. 
3. I've done well for 3 2/3 days.
4. I've left the past 3 days with at least a few calories to spare.

So I wasn't even tempted to throw in the towel. I didn't have anything else to eat before bed. No fudge pops. Today I will stay under my calorie budget and carry on.

So here's my food from yesterday.

Breakfast: Whole wheat tortilla, two scrambled eggs, and 1/2 an avocado. 320 cal

Snack: Grapes. 29 cal

Lunch: Whole wheat pita stuffed with black beans, hummus, cucumber, and spinach with eggplant patties. 485 cal

Snack: Grapes 27 cal

Dinner: LJS--two fish pieces, three hush-puppies. 754 cal

Daily total: 1619

Bonus! I got 72 ounces of water in yesterday, and I'm still Co-Cola free!!

Today I'm hitting the gym again. Let's hope they have the treadmills working.

1307.51 / .5 / 1291.18 

The First Hard Day

Yesterday was the first really tough day I've had since starting this blog. As I was leaving work to head to the gym, my husband texted to let me know he was having car trouble. He'd made it home but needed a part. So I skipped the gym and went home so Michael could use my car for the part.

Car trouble really stresses me out. Michael and I have very different work schedules, so he has to leave the house 2 hours before I do. During the summer, it's not impossible for us to carpool, but during the school year, I take my daughter to school after Michael leaves. Having one car out of commission meant I would have to get up at 4:30, take him to work, come back, take our daughter to school, go to work, take a late lunch to pick him up at the factory where he works, drop him off somewhere to chill for a couple of hours so I could finish my workday, then when that was done, pick him up, pick up our daughter, and go home. I'm stressed just typing it!!

While Michael went to look for the part, I had all kinds of worst case scenarios going through my head. Before I even realized what I was doing, I had grabbed a package of Saltines and shoved one in my mouth. Then my daughter said, "Umm, Mom, not to bug you, but eating when you're stressed isn't the best thing."

I said, "But it's already in my mouth." I hadn't bitten it yet, just shoved the whole thing in there.

She said, "Give it to Valentine." That's my little dog.

I did it, too. I gave him the cracker rather than eating it. I was really proud of myself. Granted, I needed her help to even make me aware that I was doing it, but I did stop myself from what could have turned into a full blown binge.

As it turned out, Michael had to order the part, but he was able to do a patch job so he could get to work this morning. I still woke up early so I could go pick him up if he ended up stranded, so this is going to be a long day. I'm still determined to make it to the gym, though.

So here's yesterdays meals, with my binge avoided.

Breakfast: Whole wheat tortilla, two scrambled eggs, and 1/2 an avocado. 320 cal

Lunch: Whole wheat pita stuffed with black beans, hummus, cucumber, and spinach with three eggplant patties.485 cal

Snack: Grapes. 26 cal

Dinner: Half a serving of kielbasa and rutabaga soup with a double serving of salad. The salad was so good, I had another serving later. 578

Snack: Two fudge pops. 80 cal


Daily total:  1489 calories

Also, I haven't had a Coke since last Friday. That's four straight days drinking only water! I haven't had the withdrawal issues I've had other times I'd given up soda, no headaches or grouchiness. I really love Coca-Cola, but I just can't afford the calories on a daily basis, and if they are in the house, I'm going to drink them. I may still have one occasionally (like when I eat out), but I'm never keeping them in the house again.

1307.51 / .5 / 1296.68 

Weekend Success

I stayed under my calorie limit all weekend!! Even during my daughter's birthday dinner I was able to resist overeating. I made a huge mocha cake for her, but since I don't particularly like cake, I was able to have a 40 calorie fudge pop and not feel like I was missing out.

Here are my foods for Saturday:

Breakfast: A breakfast burrito made from two scrambled eggs and a whole wheat tortilla; two tablespoons of guacamole made with whipped salad dressing, and one banana. 428 cal

Lunch: Half a whole wheat pita (I like Joseph's) stuffed with two tablespoons hummus, black beans, cucumber, and spinach; 1/2 a cup of large curd cottage cheese. 252 cal

Dinner: This is what the birthday girl picked out! Tuna burger with lettuce, tomato, and avocado sauce. I had enough calories for two of them. The rest of the family had pasta salad with it, but I passed. 807 cal

Snack: Two fudge pops. 80 cal

Total for Saturday: 1567 cal

Then for Sunday:

Breakfast: An egg burrito like yesterdays; half of a paw paw. 345 cal

Lunch: Half a Joseph's pita like yesterday; three small eggplant patties. 314 cal

Dinner: Tofu tikka masala; two cups rice. 724 cal

Snack: Two fudge pops. 80 cal

Total for Sunday: 1463 cals

There's just no way to photograph a fudge pop with out it looking...well, you know.


I didn't get any walking in. I can't even count walking the dogs because my dear husband Michael helps walk them on the weekends. I'm not too worried about it, though, because my focus was on making sure that I had everything ready for a successful week of calorie counting. I've got my gym bag with me at work today, so I can make up some miles this evening.

This morning I was rushed getting my breakfast in and getting the dogs walked. I may have set my alarm at 5:30 to make sure I have time to eat. I managed it this morning by taking my burrito in the car with me, but I hate eating in the car.

So the first two days of healthy eating and calorie counting have gone great. The problem is I'm already getting the familiar feeling of resentment that I can't have what I want. I know it's childish. So far, I'm dealing with it by reminding myself that I CAN have whatever I want, but the consequence is that I won't have enough calories for more food later in the day (that or the big flabby body I've been carrying around most of my adult life).

In a couple of weeks I'll be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary. I've been thinking about what I want to do about that. I don't know where we will go or what we will be doing because my husband is planning to surprise me. That is super fun, but it makes it hard to plan my eating.

My solution is to do what Sean Anderson of Daily Diary of a Winning Loser did when he first started losing weight: add calories and exercise to special days. Sean would add an extra workout and 1000 calories to Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'll be following his example for those days, and I'm also going to add 500 calories each for Saturday and Sunday of my anniversary weekend. I figure that will allow for an adult beverage and some added snacking, depending on what we end up doing. I'm also going to try to add in a workout, but since I don't know if we will be going away, staying home, going to a hotel, staying in a cabin, etc. I can't plan exactly what. I'm sure there will be some increased walking no matter what we end up doing.

By that time I should have a good two weeks of good habits under my belt, so hopefully staying on track won't be too difficult.

Wish me luck on Week One!!

1307.51 / .5 / 1297.18

Gearing Up for Change

Last night's trip to the carnival wasn't too bad. I was only a little tempted by the food, and the prices were so astronomical that no matter how tempted I was, I doubt I'd have bought anything. I was also able to watch my son rock out on stage! That was fun.

This morning I walked the dogs as usual. I think it's getting a little easier to climb that hill the third time around.

I've planned out all of my meals for the coming week paying close attention to calorie count. I even left room for a couple of snacks! When I start posting on Monday, you'll quickly notice that my breakfast and lunch are the same everyday. Those are the two meals I'm most inclined to skip, so it's just easier if I make them the same. That way there isn't much work or thinking involved with it. I'm picking up my groceries tonight. Tomorrow is Day One of building better eating habits. Wish me luck!

I'll also be posting some measurements soon, so I have a good idea of where I'm starting out. I'm surprised to find that I'm excited about this. I still have such a fear of failure. I really hope I can stick to it. I want to so badly.

Here goes nothing!

1307.51 / .5 / 1297.68

It's Time to Commit

Yesterday, I ended up having to work late, so I was only able to get in half a mile before I had to go home. With my dog walking this morning, that gives me a full mile to add.

I noticed a couple things while I was exercising last night. One was that I really hate my gym. It used to be a movie theater, and it's dark and creepy. It's also geared towards athletes and sports fitness, which can be intimidating. I used to go to a different gym that I liked much better, but my employer pays for most of my gym membership if I go to this one. So paying $5 a month instead of $35? I'll deal with dark and creepy.

The other thing I noticed was my thighs. I have huge elephant thighs. I always knew that. But last night I noticed that with every step on the treadmill, my leg would move forward, and a few seconds later my thigh would catch up, usually as the rest of the leg was going back. I never noticed they move that much. It was freaking me out.

I kept noticing how much my body jiggles the rest of the night. It was the first thing on my mind this morning. I really never noticed this before. I always knew I was huge, but I didn't think I was blubbery.

So I have decided to stop fooling around and start counting calories again. I'm going to actively try to lose weight. This is really scary. I'm already afraid I can't do it. I'm already sure I'm going to fail again. I just want to put it off. I also want to start right now.

As it happens, I'm starting Saturday. There are two reasons for this. We have practically no food in our house right now (except leftover mac and cheese). So by the time I plan the food and buy the food, it will be Saturday.

The other reason is that festival outside my office all week. I've done so well. I haven't gone out there once. I've looked out the window a lot because the stage is across the street, and in the afternoon the bands come to do their sound checks and whatnot. Well, tonight I have to go. My son is playing as part of a percussion group. My husband, youngest daughter, and I will go to see him and spend a couple of hours looking at the booths. I'm not going to binge while I'm there, but I'll eat something because the concert is at dinner time. We will have dinner at the festival, but I'm going to look for somewhat nutritious offerings. I could do better if I'd had time to plan (or buy groceries). Maybe I can talk them into grabbing something else on the way home. I don't know; we'll see.

So I entered my weight loss goals into www.myfitnesspal.com. I've used lots of food logging sites, but I think theirs is the most user friendly. If you want to friend me there, I'm conniebug76. My starting weight is 290 as of this morning. My goal is to lose 100 pounds. That still puts me on the heavy side according to the charts (I'm 5' 9"), but it's less than I've weighed as an adult. I'll think about losing more as I get closer to that goal.

According to the site, I should eat 1570 calories a day and do 30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week in order to lose 2 pounds a week.

Now that I know what I need to work with, I'm off to plan some meals.

1307.51 / 1 / 1298.18

Mac & Cheese Revelations

Well, I managed to stay away from the funnel cakes across the street and the free community picnic (BBQ, slaw, macaroni salad, green beans with bacon) that started as I was leaving work.

I also walked our three dogs this morning. My property is on the side of a hill and is shaped like a triangle. So the first leg around is relatively level, the second is uphill, and the third is downhill. I do okay walking around with the first two dogs, but by the time I go up that hill the third time, my thighs are screaming, and I am panting and gasping for breath. I'd like to improve there, but at the same time, I'm happy that I can get around twice before that happens.

One of the bloggers (Who Ate My Blog?) I follow for inspiration has started using an app called 2Grand. I thought I'd give it a try and see if I like it. I'm not used to taking pictures of my food, so it took me a couple of days to remember to snap a pic of all my meals and snacks. I finally got everything yesterday, so here is my first complete day of food.

I'm going to do this for a while and see if it helps me stay accountable like this blog does. It also sends me a little reminder to take a photo of my breakfast, and that reminds me to actually have breakfast, something I tend to skip. Since using this, I've eaten breakfast two days in a row! That's a big deal for me.

Last night I made tuna cakes, homemade macaroni and cheese, and sauteed kale and Swiss Chard with onion. I picked up the Swiss chard at the farmers' market in the city where my daughter goes to college. I love big city farmers' markets! We have one in my little town, but there isn't much variety there. It's great for locally grown tomatoes, zucchini, peppers, and pole beans, but that's about it. At the city one there was Swiss chard, dozens of varieties of tomatoes, bread, jams, locally pressed olive oil, green beans, goat cheeses, organic pastured meats, and more! I picked up some paw paws. Paw paws!! I don't even know what to do with them, but I'll figure that out later. I also got the Swiss chard and kale. The Swiss chard was so pretty with it's reds, greens, and yellows. It was a nice change from the spinach I usually eat.

I noticed something at dinner last night. This was my first complete meal made for the family since my older two left for school. Instead of three teenagers, I'm cooking for one (and my husband and myself, of course). For the first time in years, we had leftovers. We had a huge amount of mac and cheese left. Mac and cheese is one of my comfort foods, and it's one of the foods I talked about hoarding in a previous blog (you can find that here).

Well, last night I had my serving of mac and cheese (pictured above), which is about a quarter of what I used to get, by the way. When my husband put away the left overs, he showed me the big bowl of mac and cheese we had left and said, "I guess you have lunch for the rest of the week!" Then my 14-year-old looked at me and said, "Can I please take a little out for myself for after school? I really like it the next day." They both just assumed I would eat the whole bowl myself, not all at once, but they didn't think I'd be sharing.

That really hurt. It hurt because they are right; in the past, that would have all been mine. I would have had it for lunch and maybe even dinner for the rest of the week. Heck, there have been times I made a big pot of mac and cheese just for me! I didn't let the kids have any! It made me feel awful that my daughter felt she had to ask for some leftover mac and cheese that way.

The thing is, even before my family made those comments, I was done with the food. I'd had my dinner, and I didn't want any more. I had already planned things for my lunch this week, I didn't feel like I HAD to have that mac and cheese. I'm not saying I won't have any. There was a lot left, and if there is still some in a few days, I may bring some to work. But I don't feel possessive of it like I have in the past. I'm not sure why I feel differently about it now. Maybe it's this blog and how it makes me think about why I'm eating. Maybe it's because my teenage son is gone, so I know the leftovers will actually make it to the next day (hey, I wasn't the only one who claimed food ahead of time while he was in the house. Teenage boys, especially 6' 3" teenage boys, eat an amazing amount of food). Whatever the reason, I feel really good about it. I was able to turn away from homemade mac and cheese. I was able to share. That's a big deal, folks.

Today, I have my little veggie tray in the work fridge, I've already started on my first glass of water, and you know what else? I brought my gym bag to work today!

Maybe I can get another two miles closer to Walden today. It's time to make some distance up. This is going to be a good day!

1307.51 / .5 / 1299.18