Well, this has been a week of good news/bad news. As per my resolution, I found something good to go along with every bad thing that happened.
The bad news is that my eating has been totally chaotic. I've been working late, skipping breakfast (and sometimes lunch), and running errands in my down time. This has led to fast food runs and crazy snacking.
The good news is that next week should be so very much better. I've already planned my food out, I'm going to spend part of Monday packing my lunches ahead, and dinners should be a snap.
The bad news is that my water aerobics class was cancelled. They didn't have enough people sign up for it. I was really looking forward to it.
The good news is that I'm a week into my Daily Burn program, and I am loving it! I have exercised EVERY SINGLE DAY this week. That is a record for me. I'm really feeling it, too. I'm not bored, and I am really looking forward to advancing to the next level. That is still several weeks away, though.
The bad news is that I have not done any walking. I haven't really even been walking my dogs. It's been so cold out that even my furbabies don't want to be out longer than they have to, so our potty walks aren't even hitting a quarter mile. Not worth counting.
The good news is that I plan on getting back on the treadmill. Since I do my workouts in the morning, I can still go to the gym in the evenings. I'm not going to do that for a couple more weeks, though. I want to get my eating back in line first, so don't look for update on my miles yet.
That's my week. I have been feeling really great lately. I know part of it is that Xmas is over (worst holiday of the year for me--tons of stress and really no benefits), and part of it is the days getting brighter. But I think there's more to it than that. I really feel like things are going to be better this year: my weight, my fitness, my finances, my job, and my relationships.
1307.51 / 0 / 1281.3
Walden Pond
Showing posts with label fast food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fast food. Show all posts
Friday, January 16, 2015
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Believing I can Believe in Myself
Yesterday Sean Anderson from The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser posted about believing in yourself. Believing in myself is something I have a lot of trouble with, and I commented as such on his post, asking "How do we get past that?" Sean had this to say:
In my opinion-- the answer is in taking small steps toward what you desire. You don't need belief at first-- but you do need perseverance and a "never give up" attitude to stay in the game. Take it small, take it slow--then, as you go--your belief will strengthen, Connie. I think we must let go of the idea that we need it all perfect before we can proceed. We simply must proceed in the direction and at the speed we can handle at the time...then watch it grow and develop... You'll be believing in yourself before you realize that's what's happening!
Thanks, Sean! I really like this because it goes along with what I was saying about that Thoreau quote that inspired me to start this blog: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams." It's the whole it's not about the destination; it's the journey thing.
Even if I don't fully believe in myself right now, I can still put one foot in front of the other. I can still move forward. I can still walk to Walden Pond, even if I don't actually reach Walden Pond. You know what I mean?
Last night I had McDonald's for dinner. My daughter had made dinner, but...umm...let's just say it was a nice effort. I didn't have anything fast and easy for back up, and we were starving. So now I know, always have something fast in the freezer to make up for dinner mishaps. I had a burger and fries. I know I should have had a salad, but I'd had a salad for lunch, and I didn't want another one for dinner and listen to me whine and make excuses blah blah blah. I should have had a salad, full stop.
Tonight I'm trying a new recipe myself. I will have something for back up in case it doesn't workout. I am inspired. I can do this thing!
Oh, and I brought my gym clothes to work today.
1307.51 / 0 / 1286.44
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Tough Times and New Goals (long)
Hi. First of all, I want to thank everyone who commented on my blog or through email. I had a really, really bad weekend, and it just overwhelmed me. I really didn't think anyone was reading this blog, so I didn't think twice about venting here. Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement. I especially want to thank Lyn at Escape from Obesity for her encouragement.
The picnic on Saturday was a disaster. I didn't eat too much or binge or anything there. My husband works for a company that keeps two-thirds of its workforce as temporary employees through an agency. My husband is one of those. The picnic was for everyone, but only the regular non-temp employees could take part in the activities. So basically, we were allowed to eat and watch. This isn't something they announced ahead of time. Maybe it was PMS, but this really aggravated me.
Then we found out at the picnic that next week the company is laying off most of the workforce for one or two weeks. While this isn't going to kill us, it was hard news to take when looking around at all the money the company spend on the carnival rides, concessions, and games at the picnic.
The picnic was held on the college campus where my son attends school, so we visited with him for a bit. It was a good visit until the end. Then he drops the bombshell that he needs a few hundred dollars for a trip he is required to take for his major. This also wouldn't kill us, at least not by itself. But on top of the layoff, I was panicked.
We live in a very economically depressed area. My husband was out of work for two years before he started working at this factory. My son has been unable to find a part-time job while in school because all the fast food and retail jobs that college kids would normally have are being filled with middle aged people trying to support their families and pay their mortgages. My job is pretty good, but we are still struggling to recover from the time my husband was unemployed. I feel like I've been in crisis mode for the past 4 years, and this weekend it was all just too much.
A friend invited me to a movie, and I went. I wanted to forget everything for a little while. So I drowned my sorrows in movie popcorn. The good news is that I didn't go completely off the rails into a binge. The bad news is...well, movie popcorn.
I've gone over our budget and options several times, and I think I have a plan to handle both money problems now. But I don't think I can handle the added stress of calorie counting right now. For a little while, my grocery list will be more about money value than caloric value. I'm not planning to just eat mindlessly or binge, but I'm going to eat what my budget dictates.
The gym is there whether I use it or not, so I might as well use it. This blog is about getting to Walden and trying to deal with my emotions in ways other than food. I can still do that. So here are my new plans for the next month or so.
So there it is. Again, thank you to everyone who reached out to me. It helped more than you know.
One last thing: last Friday I made it to the gym, and I went again last night. Both times I was able to get 1 minute of vigorous activity. Now that I know what it takes to reach that level, I'm going to try to extend that time. The numbers below reflect the addition of those two workouts.
1307.51 / 2.17/ 1286.44
The picnic on Saturday was a disaster. I didn't eat too much or binge or anything there. My husband works for a company that keeps two-thirds of its workforce as temporary employees through an agency. My husband is one of those. The picnic was for everyone, but only the regular non-temp employees could take part in the activities. So basically, we were allowed to eat and watch. This isn't something they announced ahead of time. Maybe it was PMS, but this really aggravated me.
Then we found out at the picnic that next week the company is laying off most of the workforce for one or two weeks. While this isn't going to kill us, it was hard news to take when looking around at all the money the company spend on the carnival rides, concessions, and games at the picnic.
The picnic was held on the college campus where my son attends school, so we visited with him for a bit. It was a good visit until the end. Then he drops the bombshell that he needs a few hundred dollars for a trip he is required to take for his major. This also wouldn't kill us, at least not by itself. But on top of the layoff, I was panicked.
We live in a very economically depressed area. My husband was out of work for two years before he started working at this factory. My son has been unable to find a part-time job while in school because all the fast food and retail jobs that college kids would normally have are being filled with middle aged people trying to support their families and pay their mortgages. My job is pretty good, but we are still struggling to recover from the time my husband was unemployed. I feel like I've been in crisis mode for the past 4 years, and this weekend it was all just too much.
A friend invited me to a movie, and I went. I wanted to forget everything for a little while. So I drowned my sorrows in movie popcorn. The good news is that I didn't go completely off the rails into a binge. The bad news is...well, movie popcorn.
I've gone over our budget and options several times, and I think I have a plan to handle both money problems now. But I don't think I can handle the added stress of calorie counting right now. For a little while, my grocery list will be more about money value than caloric value. I'm not planning to just eat mindlessly or binge, but I'm going to eat what my budget dictates.
The gym is there whether I use it or not, so I might as well use it. This blog is about getting to Walden and trying to deal with my emotions in ways other than food. I can still do that. So here are my new plans for the next month or so.
- Continue exercising and racking up the miles to Walden.
- Continue tracking everything I eat. This is for my own awareness. I'm not trying to follow a calorie count. I won't be posting what I eat here, but if you want to follow me on My Fitness Pal, my username is conniebug76.
- Practice mindful eating by being aware of my emotional/hunger state when I eat. Food is food, not a friend.
- Meditate for 8 minutes every morning and every evening.
So there it is. Again, thank you to everyone who reached out to me. It helped more than you know.
One last thing: last Friday I made it to the gym, and I went again last night. Both times I was able to get 1 minute of vigorous activity. Now that I know what it takes to reach that level, I'm going to try to extend that time. The numbers below reflect the addition of those two workouts.
1307.51 / 2.17/ 1286.44
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Weigh-in and Stay Away from the Danger Zone
For me, the danger zone is McDonald's, or at least it's one of the danger zones. I went to McDonald's yesterday with the full intention of getting a salad. I really like their salads, too, so I wasn't sacrificing or punishing myself by getting one. But when I pulled into the drive-thru and opened my window, I could smell the French fries. I could hear the person ahead of me ordering French fries. So I ordered a burger and fries.
I really love McDonald's French fries. I don't have that problem at other places. At those other places, I can take them or leave them. But McDonald's fries are DIFFERENT. I thought I could resist them, but I was wrong. I'm not strong enough for that...yet.
The old me would have said, "Screw it," and ordered hot fudge sundae or a caramel frappe to go with the burger and fries. Instead, I just got the burger and fries. I logged it, and adjusted my dinner plans to stay in line with my calories.
By the time I bough groceries last night, it was getting late. Hubby and kid wanted McDonald's, and I didn't want to cook. So that's what we did, but this time I did order the salad. So my calories were still under goal! Yay! So the lesson: I don't need to ever go to McDonald's by myself.
Lunch was still a bad choice. I don't deny that. But I'm not quitting this time. I may have to stop every now and then to change a tire, but I'm going to keep down this road until I reach Walden. And from there--who knows?
Here is what I at yesterday.
Lunch: McDonald's double cheeseburger and large fries. 960 calories
Dinner: McDonald's grilled chicken bacon ranch salad with dressing. 410 calories
Snack: Almonds and cheese. 160 calories
Total calories: 1530--40 calories below target!
Today is weigh-in day! I got on the scale this morning ready to accept whatever it gave me. I've been off plan most of the month, and I have rarely exercised. Well, the scale read 288! That's 2 pounds down! If I can lose 2 pounds half-assing it, imagine what I can do when I really work at it. Let's find out this month, shall we?
1307.51 / 0 / 1289.68
I really love McDonald's French fries. I don't have that problem at other places. At those other places, I can take them or leave them. But McDonald's fries are DIFFERENT. I thought I could resist them, but I was wrong. I'm not strong enough for that...yet.
The old me would have said, "Screw it," and ordered hot fudge sundae or a caramel frappe to go with the burger and fries. Instead, I just got the burger and fries. I logged it, and adjusted my dinner plans to stay in line with my calories.
By the time I bough groceries last night, it was getting late. Hubby and kid wanted McDonald's, and I didn't want to cook. So that's what we did, but this time I did order the salad. So my calories were still under goal! Yay! So the lesson: I don't need to ever go to McDonald's by myself.
Lunch was still a bad choice. I don't deny that. But I'm not quitting this time. I may have to stop every now and then to change a tire, but I'm going to keep down this road until I reach Walden. And from there--who knows?
Here is what I at yesterday.
Lunch: McDonald's double cheeseburger and large fries. 960 calories
Dinner: McDonald's grilled chicken bacon ranch salad with dressing. 410 calories
Snack: Almonds and cheese. 160 calories
Total calories: 1530--40 calories below target!
Today is weigh-in day! I got on the scale this morning ready to accept whatever it gave me. I've been off plan most of the month, and I have rarely exercised. Well, the scale read 288! That's 2 pounds down! If I can lose 2 pounds half-assing it, imagine what I can do when I really work at it. Let's find out this month, shall we?
1307.51 / 0 / 1289.68
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Salad Days
I missed breakfast again this morning. I'm going to have to go back to keeping something in the office. That seems the only way to ensure that I will not skip a meal.
I decided on a bigger lunch today, since I have my breakfast calories, too. I got a grilled chicken salad from McDonald's.
I think it's funny that your youth is called your salad days. I know it's because it is at the beginning, but no one calls old age your "dessert days," do they? Anyway, in my salad days, I hated salad. Actually, I hated salad for most of my adult life, too. Once I was 35 or so, I finally figured out why: every salad I'd ever been served or offered had sliced onion in it. I hate raw onion. Once I started picking that out, I found that salads were great!
Now that there are only three of us in the house, I will sometimes make a huge Olive Garden style salad with some of their light salad dressing. I'll pick up a rotisserie to go with it, and everyone is happy. Sometimes my husband and I will skip the chicken and have multiple bowls of salad.
Tonight I'm going to the grocery store to pick up my healthy food for the next few days.
I forgot to take pictures of my food yesterday, but here is the breakdown.
Breakfast: Instant white chocolate caramel cappuccino at the office. 360 calories
Lunch: Rice-a-Roni cheddar broccoli cup. 230 calories
Dinner: Golden Mushroom beef (I made pancakes for Michael and Tori, but I had the lunch I forgot to bring to work). 951 calories
Total: 1541 calories
So I had a day under goal. I think I should make a habit of that, don't you?
Tomorrow, I should be able to finish my current work project by noon. That means I should have time to hit the gym before going home. I already have my workout clothes here in the office, so I have no excuses not to go.
I'm going to win this. I just am.
1307.51 / 0 / 1289.68
I decided on a bigger lunch today, since I have my breakfast calories, too. I got a grilled chicken salad from McDonald's.
I think it's funny that your youth is called your salad days. I know it's because it is at the beginning, but no one calls old age your "dessert days," do they? Anyway, in my salad days, I hated salad. Actually, I hated salad for most of my adult life, too. Once I was 35 or so, I finally figured out why: every salad I'd ever been served or offered had sliced onion in it. I hate raw onion. Once I started picking that out, I found that salads were great!
Now that there are only three of us in the house, I will sometimes make a huge Olive Garden style salad with some of their light salad dressing. I'll pick up a rotisserie to go with it, and everyone is happy. Sometimes my husband and I will skip the chicken and have multiple bowls of salad.
Tonight I'm going to the grocery store to pick up my healthy food for the next few days.
I forgot to take pictures of my food yesterday, but here is the breakdown.
Breakfast: Instant white chocolate caramel cappuccino at the office. 360 calories
Lunch: Rice-a-Roni cheddar broccoli cup. 230 calories
Dinner: Golden Mushroom beef (I made pancakes for Michael and Tori, but I had the lunch I forgot to bring to work). 951 calories
Total: 1541 calories
So I had a day under goal. I think I should make a habit of that, don't you?
Tomorrow, I should be able to finish my current work project by noon. That means I should have time to hit the gym before going home. I already have my workout clothes here in the office, so I have no excuses not to go.
I'm going to win this. I just am.
1307.51 / 0 / 1289.68
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Went Wandering
Well, I'm back. The good news is I wasn't binging. I wasn't watching my caloric intake, and I did overeat, but I never binged. What kind of damage I did will be seen on October 1st when I weigh. I could go into the "reasons" I went off plan (sinus issues, migraines, etc.) but it comes down to laziness. I didn't "feel" like making the healthy food, so I didn't. I'm not sure how to change that.
Anyway, onward and upward!
This weekend is my anniversary trip. I'm going for 2000 calories a day for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I know I'll be getting in lots of walking, and the hotel has a pool.
I don't have a lot to share today; I just wanted to check in (does anyone even read these) and let you know I will be posting again. I'm back on plan. I will do this.
1307.51 / 0 / 1289.68
Anyway, onward and upward!
This weekend is my anniversary trip. I'm going for 2000 calories a day for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I know I'll be getting in lots of walking, and the hotel has a pool.
I don't have a lot to share today; I just wanted to check in (does anyone even read these) and let you know I will be posting again. I'm back on plan. I will do this.
1307.51 / 0 / 1289.68
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Fast Food Failure? Maybe not...
So yesterday was a frustrating day. Yeah, second one in a row. Sucks. My husband found out that the part he needs for his car isn't one he can install himself. That means the car will definitely be at the shop for a while. The good news is that the patch he did seems to be holding, so we have a little time to prepare for the inevitable. Still aggravating, though.
I was really looking forward to letting off some steam at the gym, not to mention getting some miles in for the blog. After work I walked across the parking lot to the gym. I decided to take a couple of photos since I had told you how dark and creepy my gym was. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but my gym is in a historical building that used to be a movie theater in the 1950s. This is a picture of the ticket booth outside. It's okay during the day, but it's creepy once it gets dark.
Here is inside, from the balcony. You can see where the stage and movie screen used to be. All the weightlifting stuff is down there.
I'm usually in the balcony because that's where all the treadmills and ellipticals are. I didn't take a picture of that because it was full of people. I didn't want to add to the general creepiness of the place by being all stalkery. So what do you think? Creepy?
After I got my pics, I went to the dressing room to change. When I came back out, all the treadmills and ellipticals were empty. What luck, right? Nope. Turns out the circuit that powered that area of the gym blew or something. They were working on it.
Well, I was already there, so while they worked on it I went down to the strength machines and worked my shoulders a little bit. I have horribly weak shoulders. Seriously, it's hard for my to raise my hands above my head. So I did that. Then I went back upstairs to check the treadmills; they still weren't working yet. It's like the universe doesn't want me to get to Walden! I waited some more and tried out a few more machines, but eventually I had to go home. So I did go to the gym as promised, but I didn't get any miles in.
When I got home, everyone was in a bad mood: Michael about the car, my daughter because she had lost her mp3 player, and me because of the gym, the car, and one of our dogs had torn up the living room. Everyone wanted to eat out. We don't eat out too much. They wanted to go Long John Silvers for fish.
Now, I fully intended to get the healthy baked whatever with rice. But the thing is, I hate fish. I hate seafood in general. I always order chicken at seafood restaurants. The one exception is LJS's fish. I actually like it. So I caved. Now usually I would have 3 or 4 pieces of fish (drowned in lemon juice) and about 6 hush-puppies (also drowned in lemon juice). I knew I would be pushing it with my calories, so I only had two pieces of fish and three hush-puppies (and the lemon juice). I thought that if I skipped my fudge pops that evening, I would be under calories. I was wrong. When I got home and logged it, it put me 49 calories over.
Now, the old me would have quit the diet at this point. "Only four days in, and I've already messed up! This is impossible to do!" But last night I was able to look at the positives.
So here's my food from yesterday.
Breakfast: Whole wheat tortilla, two scrambled eggs, and 1/2 an avocado. 320 cal
Snack: Grapes. 29 cal
Lunch: Whole wheat pita stuffed with black beans, hummus, cucumber, and spinach with eggplant patties. 485 cal
Snack: Grapes 27 cal
Dinner: LJS--two fish pieces, three hush-puppies. 754 cal
Daily total: 1619
Bonus! I got 72 ounces of water in yesterday, and I'm still Co-Cola free!!
Today I'm hitting the gym again. Let's hope they have the treadmills working.
1307.51 / .5 / 1291.18
I was really looking forward to letting off some steam at the gym, not to mention getting some miles in for the blog. After work I walked across the parking lot to the gym. I decided to take a couple of photos since I had told you how dark and creepy my gym was. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but my gym is in a historical building that used to be a movie theater in the 1950s. This is a picture of the ticket booth outside. It's okay during the day, but it's creepy once it gets dark.
Here is inside, from the balcony. You can see where the stage and movie screen used to be. All the weightlifting stuff is down there.
I'm usually in the balcony because that's where all the treadmills and ellipticals are. I didn't take a picture of that because it was full of people. I didn't want to add to the general creepiness of the place by being all stalkery. So what do you think? Creepy?
After I got my pics, I went to the dressing room to change. When I came back out, all the treadmills and ellipticals were empty. What luck, right? Nope. Turns out the circuit that powered that area of the gym blew or something. They were working on it.
Well, I was already there, so while they worked on it I went down to the strength machines and worked my shoulders a little bit. I have horribly weak shoulders. Seriously, it's hard for my to raise my hands above my head. So I did that. Then I went back upstairs to check the treadmills; they still weren't working yet. It's like the universe doesn't want me to get to Walden! I waited some more and tried out a few more machines, but eventually I had to go home. So I did go to the gym as promised, but I didn't get any miles in.
When I got home, everyone was in a bad mood: Michael about the car, my daughter because she had lost her mp3 player, and me because of the gym, the car, and one of our dogs had torn up the living room. Everyone wanted to eat out. We don't eat out too much. They wanted to go Long John Silvers for fish.
Now, I fully intended to get the healthy baked whatever with rice. But the thing is, I hate fish. I hate seafood in general. I always order chicken at seafood restaurants. The one exception is LJS's fish. I actually like it. So I caved. Now usually I would have 3 or 4 pieces of fish (drowned in lemon juice) and about 6 hush-puppies (also drowned in lemon juice). I knew I would be pushing it with my calories, so I only had two pieces of fish and three hush-puppies (and the lemon juice). I thought that if I skipped my fudge pops that evening, I would be under calories. I was wrong. When I got home and logged it, it put me 49 calories over.
Now, the old me would have quit the diet at this point. "Only four days in, and I've already messed up! This is impossible to do!" But last night I was able to look at the positives.
- I ate much less at LJS than I normally would.
- My calorie estimate was actually pretty accurate.
- I've done well for 3 2/3 days.
- I've left the past 3 days with at least a few calories to spare.
So here's my food from yesterday.
Breakfast: Whole wheat tortilla, two scrambled eggs, and 1/2 an avocado. 320 cal
Snack: Grapes. 29 cal
Lunch: Whole wheat pita stuffed with black beans, hummus, cucumber, and spinach with eggplant patties. 485 cal
Snack: Grapes 27 cal
Dinner: LJS--two fish pieces, three hush-puppies. 754 cal
Daily total: 1619
Bonus! I got 72 ounces of water in yesterday, and I'm still Co-Cola free!!
Today I'm hitting the gym again. Let's hope they have the treadmills working.
1307.51 / .5 / 1291.18
Thursday, September 4, 2014
It's Time to Commit
Yesterday, I ended up having to work late, so I was only able to get in half a mile before I had to go home. With my dog walking this morning, that gives me a full mile to add.
I noticed a couple things while I was exercising last night. One was that I really hate my gym. It used to be a movie theater, and it's dark and creepy. It's also geared towards athletes and sports fitness, which can be intimidating. I used to go to a different gym that I liked much better, but my employer pays for most of my gym membership if I go to this one. So paying $5 a month instead of $35? I'll deal with dark and creepy.
The other thing I noticed was my thighs. I have huge elephant thighs. I always knew that. But last night I noticed that with every step on the treadmill, my leg would move forward, and a few seconds later my thigh would catch up, usually as the rest of the leg was going back. I never noticed they move that much. It was freaking me out.
I kept noticing how much my body jiggles the rest of the night. It was the first thing on my mind this morning. I really never noticed this before. I always knew I was huge, but I didn't think I was blubbery.
So I have decided to stop fooling around and start counting calories again. I'm going to actively try to lose weight. This is really scary. I'm already afraid I can't do it. I'm already sure I'm going to fail again. I just want to put it off. I also want to start right now.
As it happens, I'm starting Saturday. There are two reasons for this. We have practically no food in our house right now (except leftover mac and cheese). So by the time I plan the food and buy the food, it will be Saturday.
The other reason is that festival outside my office all week. I've done so well. I haven't gone out there once. I've looked out the window a lot because the stage is across the street, and in the afternoon the bands come to do their sound checks and whatnot. Well, tonight I have to go. My son is playing as part of a percussion group. My husband, youngest daughter, and I will go to see him and spend a couple of hours looking at the booths. I'm not going to binge while I'm there, but I'll eat something because the concert is at dinner time. We will have dinner at the festival, but I'm going to look for somewhat nutritious offerings. I could do better if I'd had time to plan (or buy groceries). Maybe I can talk them into grabbing something else on the way home. I don't know; we'll see.
So I entered my weight loss goals into www.myfitnesspal.com. I've used lots of food logging sites, but I think theirs is the most user friendly. If you want to friend me there, I'm conniebug76. My starting weight is 290 as of this morning. My goal is to lose 100 pounds. That still puts me on the heavy side according to the charts (I'm 5' 9"), but it's less than I've weighed as an adult. I'll think about losing more as I get closer to that goal.
According to the site, I should eat 1570 calories a day and do 30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week in order to lose 2 pounds a week.
Now that I know what I need to work with, I'm off to plan some meals.
1307.51 / 1 / 1298.18
I noticed a couple things while I was exercising last night. One was that I really hate my gym. It used to be a movie theater, and it's dark and creepy. It's also geared towards athletes and sports fitness, which can be intimidating. I used to go to a different gym that I liked much better, but my employer pays for most of my gym membership if I go to this one. So paying $5 a month instead of $35? I'll deal with dark and creepy.
The other thing I noticed was my thighs. I have huge elephant thighs. I always knew that. But last night I noticed that with every step on the treadmill, my leg would move forward, and a few seconds later my thigh would catch up, usually as the rest of the leg was going back. I never noticed they move that much. It was freaking me out.
I kept noticing how much my body jiggles the rest of the night. It was the first thing on my mind this morning. I really never noticed this before. I always knew I was huge, but I didn't think I was blubbery.
So I have decided to stop fooling around and start counting calories again. I'm going to actively try to lose weight. This is really scary. I'm already afraid I can't do it. I'm already sure I'm going to fail again. I just want to put it off. I also want to start right now.
As it happens, I'm starting Saturday. There are two reasons for this. We have practically no food in our house right now (except leftover mac and cheese). So by the time I plan the food and buy the food, it will be Saturday.
The other reason is that festival outside my office all week. I've done so well. I haven't gone out there once. I've looked out the window a lot because the stage is across the street, and in the afternoon the bands come to do their sound checks and whatnot. Well, tonight I have to go. My son is playing as part of a percussion group. My husband, youngest daughter, and I will go to see him and spend a couple of hours looking at the booths. I'm not going to binge while I'm there, but I'll eat something because the concert is at dinner time. We will have dinner at the festival, but I'm going to look for somewhat nutritious offerings. I could do better if I'd had time to plan (or buy groceries). Maybe I can talk them into grabbing something else on the way home. I don't know; we'll see.
So I entered my weight loss goals into www.myfitnesspal.com. I've used lots of food logging sites, but I think theirs is the most user friendly. If you want to friend me there, I'm conniebug76. My starting weight is 290 as of this morning. My goal is to lose 100 pounds. That still puts me on the heavy side according to the charts (I'm 5' 9"), but it's less than I've weighed as an adult. I'll think about losing more as I get closer to that goal.
According to the site, I should eat 1570 calories a day and do 30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week in order to lose 2 pounds a week.
Now that I know what I need to work with, I'm off to plan some meals.
1307.51 / 1 / 1298.18
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Slacking Off
I didn't exercise last night. I also didn't exercise this morning. I'm tempted to make excuses about how tired I was and how late I slept, but I know that won't help me in the long run. There's no reason to lie to myself. I slacked off.
My soreness from earlier in the week is almost gone and my husband is cooking dinner tonight, so I have absolutely no excuse to get in a workout when I get home. I'm not going to let myself go another day without changing those numbers at the bottom of the page.
I really struggled today at lunch. I've been forgetting to pack lunches for work. So when noon comes around, all I have are the Fiber One bars. Today, since I was running late this morning, I'd already had one of those bars for breakfast. I really wanted something "good" for lunch, something warm, something crispy. It was all about the taste and mouth feel, not so much about the hunger.
I didn't really have to exercise my willpower today because I didn't have the money to go buy a lunch. If I had, there would have been a serious struggle. My office is two doors down from a Mexican restaurant, and sometimes I swear I can smell their chips and salsa. Subway is also a weakness for me. I know it's possible to eat healthy at Subway and at Mexican restaurants. My very svelte daughter eats both frequently, and she always chooses healthy foods. I need to get to the point that I can do that, too.
I think part of the problem is that I still look at those as "special treats." We can't afford to eat out often, and when I do, I want to make the most of it. I want the tamales and the salami because those are foods that I rarely have.
I need to get to the point that food is just food--not a treat, not a friend, not an entertainment--just food.
Once I had my internal tantrum about not being able to eat what I wanted for lunch, I had my Fiber One bar. As I ate it, I realized that what I really wanted was a nice crisp salad, something light and crispy to wake me up and refresh me. It's funny how clearly I can know what my body wants once I get my emotions out of the way, isn't it?
That's all for now. My numbers are the same because I've been lazy. I promise they will be different tomorrow.
1307.51 / 0 / 1301.18
My soreness from earlier in the week is almost gone and my husband is cooking dinner tonight, so I have absolutely no excuse to get in a workout when I get home. I'm not going to let myself go another day without changing those numbers at the bottom of the page.
I really struggled today at lunch. I've been forgetting to pack lunches for work. So when noon comes around, all I have are the Fiber One bars. Today, since I was running late this morning, I'd already had one of those bars for breakfast. I really wanted something "good" for lunch, something warm, something crispy. It was all about the taste and mouth feel, not so much about the hunger.
I didn't really have to exercise my willpower today because I didn't have the money to go buy a lunch. If I had, there would have been a serious struggle. My office is two doors down from a Mexican restaurant, and sometimes I swear I can smell their chips and salsa. Subway is also a weakness for me. I know it's possible to eat healthy at Subway and at Mexican restaurants. My very svelte daughter eats both frequently, and she always chooses healthy foods. I need to get to the point that I can do that, too.
I think part of the problem is that I still look at those as "special treats." We can't afford to eat out often, and when I do, I want to make the most of it. I want the tamales and the salami because those are foods that I rarely have.
I need to get to the point that food is just food--not a treat, not a friend, not an entertainment--just food.
Once I had my internal tantrum about not being able to eat what I wanted for lunch, I had my Fiber One bar. As I ate it, I realized that what I really wanted was a nice crisp salad, something light and crispy to wake me up and refresh me. It's funny how clearly I can know what my body wants once I get my emotions out of the way, isn't it?
That's all for now. My numbers are the same because I've been lazy. I promise they will be different tomorrow.
1307.51 / 0 / 1301.18
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