Walden Pond

Walden Pond

Monday, October 6, 2014


I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being poor, of being fat, of being unhappy, of being so careful around food.

I can count calories all I want, but that won't pay my electric bill.

I read a blog about someone sipping their coffee in the morning and planning their day. Fuck them.

I get up at 4:30 in the morning. I spend forever in the bathroom because my digestive system is messed up from Lap-Band surgeries. Now that fall is here, I walk my dogs in the dark. It's scary. I rush around trying to get everything done I need before it's time to take my daughter to school. She can't ride the bus because the driver is racist.

I'm tired of trying to figure out how to pay for food AND the electric bill, how to have enough gas for work.

My children in college tell me they need money, even though I made it clear they would be on their own. So now I'm supposed to feel guilty for being poor.

My husband is getting laid off again. But he still has the nerve to say, "I miss having bacon on Sundays." Does he know how much bacon costs? Doesn't he think that if we could afford meat I would buy fucking meat?

My mother has been paying us $130 a month to live in her RV on our property. But she has decided to move, so that money's gone.

We have an underwater mortgage we can't afford on our trailer.

I hate my life. What difference does it make what I'm eating? Sometimes and early grave can be a girl's best option.

I think I'm done here. No one reads these things anyway.


  1. It sounds like you are in a really hard place right now. I saw your comment on my blog and I wanted to send you an email but didn't see one on your blog. Can you email me please? escapefromobesity (at) gmail (dot) com. Take care.


  2. Hi. I'm a new reader, too. I hoped over from a comment you made on DivadD's blog.

    As I read this post, I felt for you. It sounds like a tough spot right now. Actually, it sounds like a completely overwhelming and desperate spot right now.

    I'm struck by the difference between Friday's post and this one and am wondering what happened.

    Last post, you were able to go to a gym, were talking about a big picnic your husband's poss was throwing, and were happy about your food. Today? No money, no time, no hope, hubby may soon have no job...

    Was there a tipping point that changed the cheerful post on Friday to this? Looking at that may help.

    I wish I could say something phenomenal that would help, but reading two posts leaves me short on phenomenal insights. Instead, know that I'm praying for you--that you will have peace and wisdom and hope.

  3. I saw your comment on another blog and followed you here. I am so, so sorry you are having a tough time. I read back your archive through August, and I admire your perseverance and dedication towards "reaching" Walden Pond.

    I am thinking of you, sending all my positive thoughts and energy your way, and if you ever feel the need to talk you can always message me on my blog. Hoping things get better for you and that you are ok!