Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Day 4 of Whole30: Walmart Rage (long)
So....my Whole30 is over. I went off plan on Day 4.
Everything was going fine yesterday. I was expecting some mood swings because Days 4 and 5 are referred to as the "kill all the things" days. But really, everything seemed the same as any other day.
Then I decided to go to Walmart after work. I wanted to get some sweet potatoes to go with dinner, look at the shoes, and maybe pick up some more fake blood for my costume. When I got out of my car, a woman and her daughter got out of their car across the lane at the same time. The daughter was probably 11 or 12, but big for her age. She was taller than her mom. The mom was scolding the daughter for something under her breath. I couldn't hear what the girl had done, but I did hear the daughter repeating, "I'm sorry mom. I really forgot. I'm really sorry." The girl wasn't crying or whining as she said it, but the deep sincerity of it just got to me. I hurried into the store.
I didn't find the kind of shoes I wanted, but I picked up some fake blood and some colored hairspray and duct tape for my daughter. By this time I'd been in the store about 20 minutes. I headed over to the juice aisle to pick up some tomato juice for my husband. The woman and girl from the parking lot were there, and the mom was STILL going at her.
I was furious. I mean, really, what could this kid have forgotten that was so horrible that her mom had to vex her for over 20 minutes in public? The girl was still saying how she was sorry and how she really did just forget and it wasn't on purpose. I was so angry at the mom for doing this to the girl. I just can't convey to you the shame in that girls voice. I felt so sorry for her and so mad at her mom.
Normally, I would have said something. I really would. I'm one of those people. I have three teenagers. They screw things up. That's what kids do. I have scolded and yelled at my kids, like any parent has, but what could a 12-year-old have done that deserves over 20 minutes of tongue lashing (and who knows how long it'd been going on before they got out of the car)? So, yeah, I would normally have gone up to the woman and said, "Look, I don't know what she did, and maybe she was wrong. But you are hurting your child. You are making her feel worthless. You're her mom, so she can't hate you for what you are doing to her today, but I can. And I do. I hate you for her. Give the kid a fucking break!"
But I didn't want to say that yesterday. Yesterday I wanted to take that 46 oz can of tomato juice and bash the woman in the head with it until she didn't exist anymore. I could see myself just hitting her again and again until she crumpled on the floor and the little girl was free. It was scary. I'm shaking just writing about it.
In the back of my head I distinctly thought, "Oh, that's the anger they were talking about." I set down all the things I was carrying. I just put everything on a shelf there in the juice aisle. Then I turned around and walked out of the store. I drove home, and I was fine until I got inside and my husband asked me how my day was. I broke down. I just started sobbing. My husband held me and kept asking what was wrong. I kept telling him it was really nothing. I was alright, but of course that sounded crazy coming from the incredible crying woman. Eventually I calmed down enough to tell him what had happened. He asked me if it was because of the diet. I said only the last part. I would have been angry at the woman under any circumstances, but I'm honestly not homicidal as a general rule.
He had to go pick up our daughter from after school band practice. By the time Michael and Tori got back I was cried out but I felt tired and emotionally drained. It was that kind of cry. When I said hi to Tori she asked if I could have some beef jerky she'd gotten at a fundraiser. I said sure, it's meat. I really didn't even think about the fact that jerky usually has soy in it. My daughter was being nice and wonderful, and I was a wreck. When I read the ingredients later (after I'd eaten it) I found out it had soy and whey (soy I understand, but whey? What?).
So that's it. I'm off plan. According to the Whole30 rules, I have to start over with day 1. That would put Thanksgiving with the 30 day period, and besides, I really just don't want to. I was miserable the whole time, and I felt like I was obsessed with food. And I still feel badly that I didn't speak up for that poor girl (but I'm happy I didn't kill her mom in a Whole30 induced rage).
I'm not sorry I tried it, and I'm trying not to feel like a failure. Even though I only lasted 4 days on it, I still learned a lot. I'm going to write more about what I learned in tomorrow's post. This one has gotten too long already, and I'm still feeling overly emotional about it all.
So anyway, sorry for the long drama filled post. And thank you to everyone who encouraged me as I tried the Whole30.
1307.51 / 0 / 1284.17