New Year, Old Me

 Well, I meant to get back to the blog long before now. I've had a rough couple of weeks. My whole family took turns with a stomach bug, my little dog Valentine had an eye infection, my son had girlfriend drama, and a million other things were going on. Everything seems to have run it's course now, though.

I'm late on this, but my New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic in my life. I am going to try to find one good thing for every bad thing that happens.

As far as my health goes, I'm still at 290, and I haven't been exercising much. I've been doing yoga, but that doesn't really get my heart rate up. It does make me feel so much better and stronger, though.

I have signed up for a water aerobics class that starts on Monday. I'm really excited about that. Also, my gym has added a new cardio class that works better with my schedule than the others did. Now I just have to get over how much I hate my gym. I'm also signing up for the Daily Burn. I'm hoping that the different workouts will keep me motivated.

I have started getting up earlier in the mornings. This has helped me feel much less rushed. I have time to warm up to the day. This should also give me enough time to eat breakfast (always a problem) and even to fit a short workout in.

I'm still going to be logging my miles and logging my food. And my family is going back to a more plant-based diet. While my son was home, we ended up eating a lot of chicken, plus we had turkey from Christmas. On top of that my husband and I received summer sausage as a gift, so I had some of that. So we will be eating lots more greens and legumes.

So that's the plan! As always, advice and support is welcome!

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It's That Time Again

It's that time of the month. As a friend of mine says, I'm on my moon. This is usually when any health plans go out the window. My cravings, my husband's cravings (he has a sympathetic cycle), the general feeling of malaise all conspire to make me want to eat Cheetos and pizza while wrapped in a blanket watching Netflix.

This time I have a plan though. Every time I am tempted to send Michael out for Cheetos (we don't keep them in the house; I'm not crazy), I'm going to take a bath instead. A hot bath eases the physical symptoms, and the candles and music comfort me instead of food. If the bath doesn't work, I'm going to paint my nails. You just can't eat Cheetos with wet nails.

I will modify my yoga the next few days to avoid any upside down poses. Normally, I would wimp out of yoga or walking entirely, but I'm not going to let myself do that this time.

I went to the gym yesterday after work, but all the treadmills were in use. I killed some time using the weight machines, but 30 minutes later they were still no free ones, so I went home. The time change means that it's dark when I get off work now, so no walking outside other than on the weekends.

I'm using the Endomondo 5k training program to learn how to jog. Today is one of the interval days. I was concerned with how to do this on the treadmill, since my walking speed and jogging (if you can call it that) speed are different. I didn't want to be constantly hitting buttons on the treadmill. Then I remembered that the local college has an indoor walking track. I will be heading there after work. It's just a concrete balcony around the basketball court, but it's dry (raining again), warm (cold rain), and there are security cameras in case someone tries to kill me (trust no one).

My husband has a part in our community theater's winter play, so he has been at rehearsals most evenings. This is giving me and Tori time to catch up on some Netflixing. We are working our way through Gilmore Girls. Tori believes she is most like Rory, and I am most like Miss Patty, the dance teacher. So I have some girl time to look forward to after my walk/jog tonight!

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Heading in the Right Direction

I'm feeling great! I have done morning yoga three days in a row. I really helps me start the day off right. I've done a different routine each time, and I still have some poses I want to try. Eventually, I'll have built a short 10-minute routine that hits all the stretches and areas of my body that I want. Then I'll pick some yoga music for it!

Yesterday I walked almost two miles with some short bursts of slow jogging. And I did it outside. Me outside is a pretty big deal. I don't like outside. But I did it!

I've eaten breakfast two days in a row. My plan was to have some steel cut oats, yogurt & honey, and a piece of fruit every morning. When I bought groceries, I couldn't find any regular steel cut oats. All I could find is the Quaker 3 Minute Steel Cut Oats. So I gave them a try. Big mistake. It's like oatmeal flavored cream of wheat. I don't understand how it can be marketed as steel cut. Rolled oats have more bulk than this crap. "Hearty texture" my ass.

I'm still eating them because I have them. With my next paycheck I will order some regular steel cut oats from Amazon.

I did my Tuesday weigh-in for the Holiday Scale Accountability Club. I'm down a little. I'm not down to where I need to be for the challenge, but it's going in the right direction. So that's good.

I'm really feeling good with where things are headed right now. I think I'm going to be able to make it through the winter. At least until it starts icing over, LOL.

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What Works for Me

First things first, my Holiday Scale Accountability Club weigh-in was not good news. I didn't expect it to be since I've not been good the last couple of days. I'm back up to 290. But next week's will be great. I know what I need to do.

After my experiment with Whole30, I've decided to give myself a kick in the rear and do what I already know works for me, adding in what I learned from the Whole30 experience. What works for me really comes down to one thing: exercise and quiet time.

The only time I'm ever been able to lose weight effectively is when I focus on exercise. I'm not saying that diet isn't important, or that I don't need to watch what I eat to lose weight. What I mean is that when I am exercising every day, I don't have to watch my food intake because I just naturally make good choices. I don't even have to think about it. After I've exercised about 10 days in a row, I just stop reaching for Cheetos, cheese, Cokes, and bowls of rice. Instead I start grabbing asparagus (yes I eat it raw), cauliflower, celery, apples, and clementines. When I get hungry I want a salad or a pita stuffed with greens. I want squash and lentils. I drink way more water. It just happens.

The other thing that really helps me is meditation. I used to do a 25-minute yoga session every morning. It helped me wake up and keep my focus throughout the day. It was better than the cappuccino I've been using instead. With two kids gone, more of the morning chores have fallen back to me, so I've let it go. I really don't want to get up 30 minutes earlier everyday, but maybe a 10 minute routine in the morning could be squeezed in.

I also used to meditate before I ate, every meal, for about 5 minutes. It caused me to make better choices about food, eat more slowly, and enjoy my food more. I stopped because I was eating lunch out a lot and didn't really want to shut everyone out for 5 minutes at lunch. Then I dropped the other mealtime meditations, too. I've changed jobs since then, and have a different lunch hour than my coworkers. I need to bring those meditations back.

So my own personal weight-loss program for Connie is as follows:

1. Do at least 10 minutes of yoga every morning.
2. Walk/run (I don't run but I want to) for at least 30 minutes every day.
3. Meditate 5-8 minutes before each meal.
4. Eat breakfast.

That's it. All the other changes come naturally with how exercise and meditation make me feel. I am ready to get this done!!

But not tonight. No, tonight is the best night of the year. Tonight is better than my birthday and Christmas all rolled into one. Tonight I get to stay up late and howl at the moon! I get to go see Rocky Horror Picture Show with my friends and act crazy. Tonight I am able to make myself look however I want to. And tonight that means that I am a Zombie Masquerader!!!

Happy Halloween everyone!!!

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Slacking Off

I didn't exercise last night. I also didn't exercise this morning. I'm tempted to make excuses about how tired I was and how late I slept, but I know that won't help me in the long run. There's no reason to lie to myself. I slacked off.

My soreness from earlier in the week is almost gone and my husband is cooking dinner tonight, so I have absolutely no excuse to get in a workout when I get home. I'm not going to let myself go another day without changing those numbers at the bottom of the page.

I really struggled today at lunch. I've been forgetting to pack lunches for work. So when noon comes around, all I have are the Fiber One bars. Today, since I was running late this morning, I'd already had one of those bars for breakfast. I really wanted something "good" for lunch, something warm, something crispy. It was all about the taste and mouth feel, not so much about the hunger.

I didn't really have to exercise my willpower today because I didn't have the money to go buy a lunch. If I had, there would have been a serious struggle. My office is two doors down from a Mexican restaurant, and sometimes I swear I can smell their chips and salsa. Subway is also a weakness for me. I know it's possible to eat healthy at Subway and at Mexican restaurants. My very svelte daughter eats both frequently, and she always chooses healthy foods. I need to get to the point that I can do that, too.

I think part of the problem is that I still look at those as "special treats." We can't afford to eat out often, and when I do, I want to make the most of it. I want the tamales and the salami because those are foods that I rarely have.

I need to get to the point that food is just food--not a treat, not a friend, not an entertainment--just food.

Once I had my internal tantrum about not being able to eat what I wanted for lunch, I had my Fiber One bar. As I ate it, I realized that what I really wanted was a nice crisp salad, something light and crispy to wake me up and refresh me. It's funny how clearly I can know what my body wants once I get my emotions out of the way, isn't it?


That's all for now. My numbers are the same because I've been lazy. I promise they will be different tomorrow.


1307.51 / 0 / 1301.18

Gym versus Home

I had another late morning to work today. Yesterday I had to take one of our dogs to the vet; today I took my eldest daughter to the optometrist. I plan on working late today to make up some of the time I missed.

I didn't do my workout this morning because I was still so sore and because I was wrapped up loading the crock-pot for dinner tonight. I still had time, though, and should have done it. I'll have to make sure I do my WAP tonight, even though that will mean exercising with my husband and kids watching me.

I'm thinking of switching to doing the WAP for my miles and using my gym just for strength training (whenever I decide to start that). On one hand, I had not using the gym when it's right there mocking me every day as I leave work. On the other, I feel like I get a much more strenuous workout when I use the video. I also like that I can go straight into yoga after using the video if I have the time.  I'll have to think on that some more.

Last night I made these little potato samosa things. They were really good, and I didn't feel the need to gorge on them. I was able to just eat two with some rice and yogurt, even though there were more to be had. Usually, if I like something, I want all of it. But last night I was able to stop when I was full.

When I was a child, I was a really picky eater, and there weren't often foods I liked available. So I'd go for days just picking at my food; then I would binge when there was something I liked available. I have a real deprivation issue with food. In the past, when I fixed a meal I particularly liked, I would hide some from my family so that I could have it later. Eventually I figured out that since I was doing the cooking, I could have that meal whenever I wanted. I didn't have to feel deprived. So for several months, I made my favorite foods several times a week. Eventually, I got tired of them (as did my family), and they lost that "specialness" that made me want to hoard it all for myself.

I still have some issues with that, but I'm usually able to keep it in check and talk myself though it.

I've been thinking more about trying to actively lose weight, but I'm still not sure if I'm ready for that. I know I need to lose and that it will just be harder the longer I wait, but I'm afraid that the pressure of following a plan with trigger a backlash. I think I will wait a little longer, since the exercise part of my life seems to be going so well.

Since I won't be exercising until later tonight, my numbers are the same as yesterday.


1307.51 / 0 / 1301.18

Getting Back to Myself

So this weekend I did two things I'm proud of: I had a very stressful conversation and did not turn to food for comfort, and I got up yesterday morning and did yoga!

My mother came over Saturday, and somehow we got on the subject of weight. My mother (like me) used to be very, very thin and then gained a lot with her pregnancies. She has a thyroid problem and has recently started medication for it, which has helped mover her from morbidly obese to overweight. She was talking about her weight, and then she zeroed in on mine. She had lots of ideas on why I'm so fat and what I should be doing about it. She wasn't mean in anyway, but I don't like talking about personal things with here (a lot of childhood issues there). A lot of my poor eating habits are a DIRECT result of things that she did or didn't do while I was growing up.

By the time she left, I wanted to crawl into a big bag of chips. I wanted to make mac and cheese. I wanted pizza. But instead I did a Walk Away the Pounds video. I don't go to the gym on the weekends, so I needed to get some walking in anyway. I did the 1 mile walk. By the time I finished, I didn't feel like stuffing my face anymore. I did fix a nice salad with some tomatoes my mother had brought over and ate that. But I didn't gorge. I was so proud of myself.

Then yesterday (Sunday) I got up and immediately did another 1 mile WATP walk, even though I'd woken up a little stiff. I still felt a little stiff so when I took out the WATP disc, I popped in a yoga disc. I use Yoga Conditioning for Weight Loss with Suzanne Deason. It's been more than a year since I used this DVD, but I was able to make it through the whole thing. I felt so much better afterwards, so loose and flexy!

This morning I have sore back muscles from the yoga. I'm tall and have a tendency to slouch, especially at my desk. The yoga really helps my posture when I do it regularly. I'm going to have to make that a priority.

I though about doing yoga again this morning before I left for work, but since I'm planning on skipping the gym tonight to pic up my youngest from band, I decided to do a 2 mile WATP instead. That makes 4 miles since Friday! I think the morning workout really helps set the tone for the rest of the day.

I've also finally decided to add a before picture of myself. As I've said before, I'm not working on weight loss yet. I haven't even weighed since I started this blog. But this way, if things should go that way, I will have something to look back at.

This was taken right after I finished yoga, so I'm all sweaty and rumpled.



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